Sex! Okay, I said it first! Now let’s talk about it.
Ladies, why is it so hard to talk about sex? Plain and simple, it makes us uncomfortable. Now, this is the real question, does the subject itself make us uncomfortable, or are WE uncomfortable with ourselves? Take a moment and answer that quietly in your head.
Growing up in a strict Christian household, private school, and a church community, sex was hardly spoken about, and if it was it was only for educational purposes. Long story short, it was frowned upon before marriage, and not speaking about it made it entirely uncomfortable. As I disconnected from my roots into my adult years I began to notice how far behind on “street smarts” I was (more on that on a future post). I didn’t have anyone I could trust, nor a relative that was willing to normalize it enough to make it comfortable to speak about. Put it this way, I would cringe when my OBGYN would ask me that god awful question, “when was the last time you had intercourse” um, hello? NUNYA!
Sex is a vulnerable moment for women. Our expressions, body language, and heartbeats fuse together into a sexy melody that is being exposed entirely.
Sex is difficult to talk about because for some of us it brings up embarrassing thoughts, vulnerable moments, secret fetishes, or simply because we are not comfortable with or body images. Aside from porn, those few second sex scenes that we see in the movies set the bar for what we think is “expected in the bedroom”. As our lives pick up in speed, our priorities fluctuate, and our bodies change. Sex begins to move down the ladder of importance and eventually is hardly mentioned. From our first time well into our long-term relationships we begin to build insecurities.
“Am I doing this right?”
“Okay, I’m supposed to wear red lingerie on Valentines Day, and white on my wedding night, right?”
“No I dont want to do that position, let’s do this one (secretly thinking, I look fat sideways)”
“Okay but lets only do a quicky, hurry up and go (secretly thinking, I don’t want him to see my fat body)”.
Ladies, you are NOT ALONE. Chances are most of us are on the same page. You want to know what the real problem is? We aren’t talking about it enough!
“Many of my clients tell me that they think that they are the only ones who find it difficult – they believe most of their friends are having great sex lives.”
Matty Silver, Ph.D
If you don’t have the right sex vocabulary, you will lose yourself and eventually, it will reflect in your relationship. Communication is the key, how many times have you heard that? Well, here it is again.
Okay, wait, I am not saying to start a conversation in the middle of sex, that’s kinda dumb.
“In our research, we followed couples for a year, and those who talked constructively had more satisfying sex and generally happier relationships.”
Matty Silver, Ph.D
Therefore, talking about sex and educating yourself is the only way to not only get comfortable but also get better! I know, it sounds so cliche, But I have found that a lot of us often need to hear the obvious in order to get the obvious accomplished. It took me many years to break my insecurities down, and talk with my husband about how I felt, but since we became comfortable, our sex life also reached its peak. Its worth it, I promise.
Would you like to break the ice? Check out Moon Juice for this delicious powder that can be added to your coffee (i prefer it in my coffee), milk, water, or tea. This is an adaptogenic that will help maintain your energy levels even through the end of the night.
Thank you for reading! please subscribe for future blogs, and to be the first of many to read them fresh off the press,
Mrs Yvette Priscilla
Please seek help if you are being sexually abused, or your life may be endangered. Remember, no human is allowed to tell you how to run your life, or allowed to do what they please with your body without your consent.